Title: If you want to kiss the sky
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: John/Rodney
Categories: AU, Drama, hints of romance, almost angst
Length: Medium (8,400 words)
Notice/Warnings: Asexuality, Dubcon

Author on LJ: siegeofangels
Author Website: Fic Masterlist (AO3)

Summary: "Look," McKay says, pushing John away firmly, "not that I don't love excessively masculine bonding activities as much as the next guy, but in case you hadn't noticed from the stylish blue panels on my jacket--" and he points both of his index fingers toward the jacket John's letting go of--"I'm a civilian. My involvement in your homoerotic military rituals begins and ends at target practice."

Review: I don't usually rec this kind of fic-- not because I dislike the topic at hand (on the contrary!), but because it tends to be too personal for me. I, myself, identify as asexual (or, more specifically, a panromantic asexual) and as such I relate heavily to John in this fanfic. Regardless of how you identify, I hope you give this fic a chance. It may not be for everyone (and all individuals seeking porn? Skip this fic!), but with any luck you'll enjoy it as hugely as I did.

Now this fic is AU, but only in a minor way. Instead of DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell) and the typical homophobia associated with the military, this universe is the exact opposite. Men in the military aren't just encouraged to sleep with each other, but they're almost expected to. Although I don't know the specifics, it appears that the leaders in the military are expected to sleep with as many of their men as they can as a method of bonding with their troops to create feelings of safety and togetherness. Those individuals that don't comply aren't considered to be a "team player" and only recently have the men even been allowed to marry while in the military-- the strict policy was once to never send fathers or husbands into battle.

In this fic, John is asexual-- though, he doesn't identify himself as such just as none of the men in the military (or anyone else in this universe, for that matter) identify as gay or straight (nor any other type of sexuality). They just are. John's long since accepted how the military runs and consents to sex every time he participates. Though he's not exactly happy about it, he does what needs to be done until he finally arrives at Atlantis and everything changes (for the better, though John is slow to see it as such).

Excerpt: "We're not dating," John says stupidly.

Rodney looks around pointedly, at the movie (a restaurant blows up on the screen, John notices, fish everywhere. Awesome), at the drink John's holding, at the dimmed lights and the way they're pressed up against each other on the bed. "I beg to differ," Rodney says.

"But," John says, "but, we're not, you haven't--" He flings a hand between them, gesturing, and wow, when did he start picking up Rodney's body language?

Now Rodney frowns. "I thought you weren't really interested."

"I'm not really interested," John says, "but--"

"But?" Rodney prompts him.

"But," John says, and stops, because none of this makes sense.

By now they should have been having sex and John should have been pretending to enjoy it. He's not doing that, though, not doing calculations in his head; instead, he lets himself be drawn back to recline against Rodney, an arm around his middle and a voice in his ear, saying, "You know, I do like parts of you that aren't your dick."

And lips press to his temple, and John says, "Oh."

And it would have been a really nice moment, except then Rodney says, "Now shut up, I want to watch Tom Cruise almost die," and John is forced to smack him.

If you want to kiss the sky (AO3); Deleted Scenes