Title: Rubber Ducky (You're the One)
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Categories: Crack, Humor,
Length: Long (20,000 words)
Warnings: Incest

Author on LJ: impertinence
Author Website: A03; DW;

Summary: Turning into a bright red rubber duck isn't top on Dean's list of "Oh Shit, I Would Give Anything For This Not to Have Happened" Things, but it's definitely number two. Well, okay, maybe number three.

Review: Sam and Dean are tromping around in an enchanted forest when Sam, being the curious sort he is, stops to inspect a flower. The flower promptly reaches out and grabs Sam, prompting Dean to shoot it. Before the flora withers and dies, it zaps Dean and turns him into an aggressive red rubber duck.

This surprisingly long (for a crack fic) and hilarious fic is one of my favorites and is ideal for anyone in need of a good laugh. As if that weren't enough to draw in anyone looking for a good time, there's even a bit of a case in here-- one that deals with disgruntled goblins and getting a snarky, cranky rubber-duck Dean back to his normal form. I'd tell you more, but I'd hate to spoil... so check out the excerpt if you need more convincing. ;)

Excerpt: “Rubber ducky, you're the one?” Sam says, staring at the bright red rubber duck currently lying on the grass. Dean's clothes are neatly folded a few feet away, his gun on top of them.

The duck narrows its (his?) eyes. “If you say one more word,” he says in a high, literally squeaky voice—Sam thinks he might be vocalizing by squeaking air out somehow, which is fascinating—

“Sam! Stop fuckin' analyzing me and focus!”

“Uh,” Sam says, and drags his attention away from, well, rubber duck. “Sorry.”

“Right, whatever. Like I was saying, you try to make fun of me again, I will kill you. Deader than dead.”

“Can you?” Sam says without thinking, which, wow. Bad habit, right there, because now Dean's hopping towards him and.

“I will fucking rip the skin off your bones!”

Okay. Rubber-ducky-Dean has teeth. Good to know. “Let go!” he squawks, shaking his arm, but Dean won't be deterred. Sam's regretting more than ever that he's only wearing a thin t-shirt, because Dean's teeth are sunk into his skin and they hurt. “You freak, you're gonna cut me wide open!”

Dean finally spits Sam's arm out, falling to the ground. “Then maybe—“ he yells, bouncing squeak-SQUEAK-squeak across the ground, “You shouldn't—“ SQUEAK “—have made fun—of me!”

“Oh, come on,” Sam says, standing up and brushing himself off before moving far enough away that it'd take awhile for Dean to bounce-attack him. “Like you wouldn't make fun of me if I was a rubber du—“

“Don't even say it.” And once again Dean's livid, bouncing in place. “Seriously, Sam, I'm gonna rip you apart when I'm human again. You're going to wish you'd never been born.”

“You're really pretty pissed,” Sam says.

“No fucking shit, Sherlock. I'm gonna tear the intestines from your body and feed them to you. I'll take your skin off with a vegetable peeler.”

“It's actually really interesting. You don't usually have this much of a temper.”

“I'll string you up and cover you in tiny little papercuts and let some dogs chew you up. I'll stick your hands in piranha-infested fish bowls.”

“I think your personality's going to be a lot more intense since it's shoved into such a small body. You'll probably be really mercurial until we get you switched back.”

“Your eyeballs would be cake to pluck out, and then I'll shove 'em up your ass. I'll stick hot needles up under your fingernails. I'll—dude, check out that butterfly, it's friggin' huge!” Squeaking as Dean bounces up and down excitedly. “Sam, are you looking? Look!”

Sam sighs. Oh, yeah: this is going to be all kinds of fun.

Rubber Ducky (You're the One) (LJ) or Rubber Ducky (You're the One) (DW)